An Introduction to Polygamy in Islam

 A glimpse of the concept of polygamy in Islam.

Islam is criticized for allowing polygamy, for popular culture in the West views polygamy as relatively backward and impoverished. For many Christians, it is a license to promiscuity, and feminists consider it a violation of women’s rights and demeaning to women. A crucial point that needs to be understood is that for Muslims, standards of morality are not set by prevalent Western thought, but by divine revelation. A few simple facts should be borne in mind before any talk of polygamy in Islam.

Islam Did Not Initiate Polygamy

Islam did not introduce polygamy. Among all Eastern nations of antiquity, polygamy was a recognized institution. Among the Hindus, polygamy prevailed from the earliest times. There was, as among the ancient Babylonians, Assyrians, and Persians, no restriction as to the number of wives a man might have. Although Greece and Rome were not polygamous societies, concubinage was a norm[1]. Islam regulated polygamy by limiting the number of wives and bringing responsibility to its practice. In fact, according to David Murray, an anthropologist, historically polygamy is more common than monogamy.[2]

Polygamy Practiced by God’s Prophets

The great Hebrew patriarchs equally revered by Judaism, Christianity, and Islam - Abraham, Moses, Jacob, David, and Solomon, to name a few – were polygamous. According to the Bible:

Abraham had three wives (Genesis 16:1, 16:3, 25:1)

Moses had two wives (Exodus 2:21, 18:1-6; Numbers 12:1)

Jacob had four wives (Genesis 29:23, 29:28, 30:4, 30:9)

David had at least 18 wives (1 Samuel 18:27, 25:39-44; 2 Samuel 3:3, 3:4-5, 5:13, 12:7-8, 12:24, 16:21-23)

Solomon had 700 wives (1 Kings 11:3).[3]

The example of Jesus, who otherwise overlooked polygamy, is irrelevant as he did not marry during his earthly ministry.

Marriage in Islam

Marriage is a legal arrangement in Islam, not a sacrament in the Christian sense, and is secured with a contract. Islamic marriage lays rights and corresponding responsibilities on each spouse. Children born in wedlock are given legitimacy and share in inheritance from their parents.

The primary purpose of marriage in Islam is regulating sexuality within marriage as well as creating an atmosphere for the continuity and extension of the family. This is in sharp contrast to growing trends on marriage in the West. In recent decades, there are more alternatives to marriage than ever before. Cohabitation - living together outside of marriage - has greatly increased among young, never-married adults, as well as the divorced. More American women are having children outside of marriage, ignoring the traditionally sanctioned sequence of marriage followed by childbearing.

Polygamy in the Quran

The Muslim scripture, the Quran, is the only known world scripture to explicitly limit polygamy and place strict restrictions upon its practice:

“… marry women of your choice, two or three or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with them, then only one.” (Quran 4:3)

The Quran limited the maximum number of wives to four. In the early days of Islam, those who had more than four wives at the time of embracing Islam were required to divorce the extra wives. Islam further reformed the institution of polygamy by requiring equal treatment to all wives. The Muslim is not permitted to differentiate between his wives in regards to sustenance and expenditures, time, and other obligations of husbands. Islam does not allow a man to marry another woman if he will not be fair in his treatment. Prophet Muhammad forbade discrimination between the wives or between their children.

Also, marriage and polygamy in Islam is a matter of mutual consent. No one can force a woman to marry a married man. Islam simply permits polygamy; it neither forces nor requires it. Besides, a woman may stipulate that her husband must not marry any other woman as a second wife in her prenuptial contract. The point that is often misunderstood in the West is that women in other cultures - especially African and Islamic - do not necessarily look at polygamy as a sign of women’s degradation. Consequently, to equate polygamy with degrading women is an ethnocentric judgment of other societies.

Even though we see the clear permissibility of polygamy in Islam, its actual practice is quite rare in many Muslim societies. Some researchers estimate no more than 2% of the married males practice polygamy.[4] Most Muslim men feel they cannot afford the expense of maintaining more than one family. Even those who are financially capable of looking after additional families are often reluctant due to the psychological burdens of handling more than one wife. One can safely say that the number of polygamous marriages in the Muslim world is much less than the number of extramarital affairs in the West[5]. In other words, contrary to prevalent notion, men in the Muslim world today are more strictly monogamous than men in the Western world.

Footnotes:

[1] “About the only important peoples of ancient times that showed little or no traces of it [(polygamy)] were the Greeks and the Romans. Nevertheless, concubinage, which may be regarded as a higher form of polygamy, or at least as nearer to pure monogamy, was for many centuries recognized by the customs and even by the legislation of these two nations.” The Catholic Encyclopedia: (http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/09693a.htm)

[2] Cheryl Wetzstein, “Traditionalists Fear Same-Sex Unions Legitimize Polygamy,” The Washington Times 13 Dec. 2000.

[3] For a detailed list of biblical figures who practiced polygamy, you may visit: (http://www.biblicalpolygamy.com/).

[4] Dr. Jumah al-Kholy, ‘Ta’addud al-Zawjaat wa Hikmatuhu fil Islam,’ (Multiple Marriages In Islam & It’s Wisdom), Journal of the Islamic University of Medina, vol. 46, 222-231.

[5] The most recent definitive survey on sexual behavior shows that 20 percent of women and up to 35 percent of men have been at one time or another unfaithful to their spouses (Sex in Marriage, Little, Brown and Co., 1994, page 105). Another survey shows that adultery is as common among Christians as non-Christians. Christianity Today magazine surveyed its subscribers and found that 23 percent admitted to having had extramarital intercourse. The Lutheran Church: Missouri Synod (http://old.dcs.lcms.org/family/Content%5Cdoc_articles%5C409.doc)

read more...

Kind Treatment of Wives


Kindness between spouses as a reflection of faith.

God instructs men to be nice to their wives and to treat them well to the best of their ability:

“…And live with them in kindness…” (Quran 4:19)

The Messenger of God said, The most perfect of believers in belief is the best of them in character. The best of you are those who are the best to their women.’[1] The Prophet of Mercy tells us that a husband’s treatment of his wife reflects a Muslim’s good character, which in turn is a reflection of the man’s faith. How can a Muslim husband be good to his wife? He should smile, not hurt her emotionally, remove anything that will harm her, treat her gently, and be patient with her.

Being nice includes good communication. A husband should be willing to open up, and be willing to listen to his wife. Many times a husband wants to air his frustrations (like work). He should not forget to ask her about what annoys her (like when children would not do their homework). A husband should not talk about important things with her when he or his wife is angry, tired, or hungry. Communication, compromise, and consideration are the cornerstone of marriage.

Being nice includes encouraging one’s wife. The most meaningful admiration comes from a sincere heart that notices what really matters — what the wife really values. So a husband should ask himself what she feels most insecure about and discover what she values. That is the wife’s sweet spot of praise. The more the husband compliments it, the more the wife will admire it, the more on target this healthy habit will be. Kind words are like, “I like the way you think,” “You look beautiful in those clothes,” and “I love hearing your voice on the phone.”

Human beings are imperfect. The Messenger of God said, “A believing man should not hate a believing woman. If he dislikes something in her character, he should be pleased with some other trait of hers.”[2] A man should not hate his wife because if he dislikes something in her, he will find something he likes about her if he gives it a chance. One way to be aware of what he likes in his wife is for the husband to make a list of a half dozen things he appreciates about her. Marriage experts recommend that one be as specific as possible and focus on character traits — just as the Prophet of Islam recommended, not just what she does for the husband. For example, a husband may appreciate the way she arranges his clean laundry, but the underlying character trait may be that she is thoughtful. The husband should consider admirable traits such as being compassionate, generous, kind, devout, creative, elegant, honest, affectionate, energetic, gentle, optimistic, committed, faithful, confident, cheerful, and so on. A husband should give himself some time to construct this list, and review it in times of conflict when he is most likely to feel averse towards his wife. It will help him be more aware of his wife’s good attributes and far more likely to compliment them.

A companion asked the Prophet of God what is the right of a wife over her husband?’ He said, “That you feed her when you eat and clothe her when you clothe yourself and do not strike her face. Do not malign her and do not keep apart from her, except in the house.”[3]

Conflict in marriage is virtually inevitable and it leads to lot of anger. Although anger is one of the most difficult emotions to manage, the first step toward controlling it can be learning how to forgive those who hurt us. In case of conflict, a husband should not stop talking to his wife and emotionally hurt her, but he may stop sleeping in the same bed if it will improve the situation. Under no circumstance, even when he is angry or somehow feels justified, is a husband allowed to malign her by using hurtful words or cause her any injury.

Footnotes:

[1] Al-Tirmidhi

[2] Saheeh Muslim.

[3] Abu Daud.

read more...

Tom Yum Goong

Ingredients:
4 cups of waters
2 stalks fresh lemon grass, smashed
3 slices fresh galangal root, smashed
3 fresh kaffir lime leaves
1 tbsp tamarind paste, with or without seed
1 tbsp fish sauce
¾ lb medium shrimp, peeled and washed
2 pieces of fish fillet
12 pieces of chilli padi or bird’s eye chilli
½ small white onion, sliced
2 tbsp fried chilli with oil*
12 pieces shiitake mushrooms
1 small ripe tomato, sliced
1 small lime, squeezed
2 springs of cilantro for garnish.
*Fried chilli with oil : blend 20 pieces of chilli padi with blender, fried with 5 tbsp vegetable oil with medium heat, add ½ tbsp salt, fried well, set aside.

Directions:
Boil water over high heat. Add the lemongrass, galangal kaffir lime leaves, fish sauce and tamarind paste (break apart the tamarind paste with your fingers as you add it). Add shrimp, boil it for 3 minutes. Add the onion, mushrooms and fried chilli with oil. Boil for another 7 minutes until the shrimp cooked well. Add chilli padi and tomatoes. Turn off the heat. Add the lime juice. Taste to adjust the seasoning, adding fish sauce to taste. Garnish with cilantro. Ready to serve.

read more...

Fettucine Alfredo

Ingredients:
1 lb dried fettucine
7 slices of turkey ham, diced
1 tbsp unsalted butter
1 tbsp olive oil
1 shallot, minced
1 cup heavy cream *recipe follows*
1 cup finely grated Parmigiano-Reggiano (Parmesan-Romano)
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp ground black pepper
A pinch of fresh parsley, for garnish (optional)

For Heavy Cream:
1 cup of whole milk
1/2 cup (1 stick) of unsalted butter

Directions:
Cook the fettucine in a pot of rapidly boiling salted water until al dente. Drain in a colander, reserving 1/4 cup of the pasta cooking liquid. Set aside.
Melt the butter and olive oil in a medium saucepan over medium-high heat. Add shallots and saute until tender. Add in turkey ham and heavy cream and bring to a boil. Cook until sauce has reduced slightly, about 5 minutes. Remove from the heat.
Return the pasta to the pot it was cooked in, set over medium-high heat along with the reserved cooking liquid. Add the butter-cream mixture and half of the parmesan and toss to combine thoroughly. Season with salt and pepper, to taste. Sprinkle with remaining parmesan and garnish with parsley, if desired. Serve immediately.

Heavy Cream:
Mix milk and butter together and heat it over low heat until butter is melted into milk. Do not boil.
Pour into blender jar and blend it in high speed for 3 minutes. Refrigerate for 24 hours or longer. Ready to use.

Source: www.foodnetwork.com
read more...

Choi Pan

Ingredients:
WRAPPER DOUGH:
180 gr tang mien flour (aka wheat starch)
50 gr corn starch
50 gr all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp salt
450 cc water
50 cc olive oil

FILLING:
2 tbsps olive oil
6 cloves garlic, chopped
300 gr jicama, coarse shredded, squeeze if there is water in the shredded jicama
150 gr fresh shrimp, diced
100 gr dried shrimp, soak in the hot water for 10 minutes, chopped
1 tbsp sugar

GARLIC SAUCE:
20 cloves garlic, chopped
50 cc vegetable oil

CHILLI SAUCE:
50 gr red chilli, seeded, boiled and pasted
250 cc warm water
1 tbsp sugar
2 tbsps vinegar
1 tsp salt
4 cloves garlic, pasted

Directions:
For the filling:
In a pan, stir fry chopped garlic until fragrant. Stir in the rest of ingredients until cooked. Remove from the heat, let it cool before using it.

For the wrapper dough:
In a saucepan, combine all dry ingredients, stir in gradually warm water while keep stirring until free lumps. Bring to simmer until the mixture turn into an elastic dough.

On a floured surface, shape a 35 grams dough into a flat disc, fill it with the filling, then wrap it into half-moon shape or shape it into pastel goreng shape.
Steam the ready choi pan over high heat for 10 to 15 minutes or until the choi pan is cooked thoroughly. Serve it warm with garlic sauce and chilli sauce.

For the garlic sauce:
In a small pan, stir fry garlic with olive oil over medium high heat until the garlic browned.

For the chilli sauce:
In a small bowl, mix all chilli ingredients. Ready to use.

read more...

Kwetiau Sapi Goreng

 Bahan:
500 gram kwetiau
300 gram daging sapi, iris tipis sesuai serat dagingnya
2 buah wortel, potong ukuran korek api
4 batang daun bawang, potong ukuran korek api
2 siung bawang putih, cincang kasar
100 gram tauge
4 sdm kecap manis
2 sdm kecap asin
1 sdt kecap kikkoman
1/2 sdt lada
1/2 sdt garam
1 sdt kecap ikan
Cabe botol secukupnya.

Cara Membuat:
Tumis bawang putih dengan api sedang hingga harum. Masukkan daging sapi, masak hingga setengah matang. Kemudian masukkan wortel, aduk rata dan masak hingga daging sapi dan wortel matang. Tambahkan kecap manis, kecap asin, kecap kikkoman, lada, garam dan kecap ikan, aduk rata. Masukkan kwetiau, aduk hingga kwetiau berwarna coklat merata. Tambahkan tauge dan daun bawang, aduk dan masak hingga matang. Angkat dari api, sajikan hangat dengan cabe botol.

source: belzyskitchen.blogspot.com
read more...

Kwetiau Sapi Siram

Bahan:
1 pak kwetiau
500 gram daging sapi, iris tipis
1 ikat caisim, potong2
1-1/2 sdm kecap ikan
3 sdm kecap asin
1/2 sdt lada
1/2 sdt gula
2 sdm saus tiram
1 sdm kecap kikkoman (optional)
1/2 sdm minyak sayur
3 butir telur, kocok lepas
3 sdm tepung tapioka yang sudah dicampur dengan air
500 ml air

Bumbu halus:
5 siung bawang putih
2 siung bawang merah
2 cm jahe

Cara Membuat:
Rendam kwetiau dengan air panas hingga lunak, angkat dari air, tiriskan hingga kering. Tambahkan kecap asin dan minyak sayur (supaya kwetiau tidak lengket dan ada rasanya), aduk rata. Sisihkan
Tumis bumbu halus hingga harum, kemudian masukkan daging sapi, aduk hingga setengah matang. Masukkan caisim, aduk hingga matang.

Tambahkan kecap ikan, kecap asin, kecap kikkoman saus tiram, lada, dan gula, aduk rata. Kemudian tambahkan air, setelah mendidih masukkan kocokan telur, aduk cepat hingga telur menyerupai serat. Terakhir, tambahkan tepung tapioka, aduk hingga kuah mendidih dan mengental.

Penyelesaian: Tata kwetiau diatas piring cekung, kemudian siram dengan saus nya. Sajikan hangat.

read more...